Losing a friend
by TwinkleToes97
Summary: Carly was hit by a car and killed, and Sam is not taking it well. Who will she turn to when Spencer is too depressed to talk to anyone? See how everyone deals with losing a friend. Seddie, maybe a hint of Creddie somehwere in there.
1. Hurt and Comfort

I've had this idea for almost a month now, but tonight I was really upset. Amost as upset as Sam in this chapter, so I took it out on Seddie.

Enjoy the fruits of my suffering :)

**Sam's POV**

I was a about ten feet from the Bushwell Plaza, and saw police cars and many flashing light. I saw Spencer outside talking to a cop, tears in his eyes. This couldn't be good. '

Why wasn't Carly with him? What happened?" I asked myself, as I began to run. I pushed my self through the crowd of officers.

"Spencer! Spencer what happened?" I practically screamed.

"Carly she-" Spencer didn't say anymore. I could tell he was choked on tears. I was panicking now. A cop walked by and I grabbed his shirt, pulling him face to face.

"Where is she?" I gritted through my teeth.

"Who are you?" The man sounded nervous.

"I'm Carly's best friend" I emphasized 'best'.

"I'm sorry but-" I knew what was coming next, though I didn't want to believe it. "-she was hit, and she...didn't make it" He said gravely. I let go of his shirt, throwing him off balance a bit. I wanted to

"No" I whispered. "NO!" I yelled it out this time. I could feel the tears in my eyes, start to well up.

"Sam, I'm sorry, but-" Another cop said, trying to calm me down.

"You people are wackjobs! This is all a prank, isn't it?! Freddie's behind this, isn't he?!" I ran inside and up the stairs to Carly's apartment. Tear were sliding down face, I swallowed my sobs, hoping they would go away. It wasn't working...

I finally reached her apartment, and started banging on the door, hoping with all of my being that she would open it.

"Carly! Please open up! Carly!" My knocking started to slow down to 3 second intervals. My forehead was now resting against the door. Suddenly I heard Freddie's door open.

"Sam?" I didn't even look up. "Carly- Carly's not here" He said with grave face. People had been trying to tell me that since I got here, but for some strange reason, when Freddie said it, I believed him.

I look up at his red, puffy eyes, as tears started to fall. I felt his hand on my shoulder, and we slowly hugged. I rested my head on his left shoulder, as he rubbed my back. My tears silently went across the bridge of my nose, and into his T-shirt. I just stayed there staring into space in his arms. He finally let go, opened his door and said

"Come inside" Gesturing to his doorway. I walked into his house and sat down on his couch.

"Wheres your mom?" I heard my voice crack.

"At the hospital, I'm gonna wait to tell her when she gets back. Can I get you anything?"

I bit my lip to keep myself from sobbing, then shook my head. I shut my eyes tighter. Freddie sat down next to me. I took his hand, and layed my head on his shoulder. If this was an average day, I wouldn't be caught dead doing this, but tonight I couldn't handle feeling alone.

"If you wanna stay here tonight, you can" He said in a soothing tone.

"Thanks" I mumbled. He said he'd let her sleep in his bed that night, but she knew she wouldn't be getting much sleep.

"I think I'm gonna get some sleep, My bedroom is right there," He pointed to the door on the right. I was walking to his room when I heard him mumble something.

I turned around to see him with his hands together, his head resting on them. He was...praying?

"What are you doing?"

"Praying for Carly" He said simply.

"Well if you reach her, tell her I'm sorry." Freddie looked up confused, but I fled to his room before he could say anything.

* * *

I know your probably think how OC Sam was, but how would you expect her to act when her best friend just died.

I'm kinda debating whether I should continue or not...

* * *


	2. Spencer's Depression

I guess people liked this, so I wrote more. This chapter has more to do with how Spencers taking all this.

Hope you like it.

* * *

** Freddie's POV**

I finished praying for Spencer, Carly's family, and of course, Carly, but then thought of one last thing to say. I needed to pray for Sam. I had never seen her in a state like this, ever, not once. She wasn't acting like herself. That was just it, she wasn't herself. She just lost her best friend, someone had been with her through everything. I can't imagine how she's feeling. Probably alone, like theres no one to turn to anymore. Thats why I had to been there for her. I know that eventually she would go back to her old self, but that wouldn't be for a while.

'Lord, please help Sam through this, please let her now I'm here for her, no matter what. I need her to understand that she's not alone...' I prayed. I then blessed myself and tried to get some sleep.

Meanwhile with Spencer... (his POV)

It was about midnight, and I was still outside. The cops and reporters had left and so did the Paramedics. They told me that they didn't take her to the hospital, because they knew she was dead on the spot. There was no point in trying to save her. At that point, I was ready to punch him in the face. Like Crazy Steve, from 'Drake and Josh'. I just kept staring at that place where she was hit, the place she used to lay. 'I should have been with her! I'm supposed to be the parental figure, I'm supposed to be the one to watch over her, so she doesn't get hit by cars.' I sighed.

"Hell of a guardian" I said to myself. It started to rain, but I the shelter of our apartment didn't appeal to me. I still thought of it as _**our**_ apartment. I decided to come inside. It was almost one as it is. I've trying to get myself to leave for an hour, but every time I did, I felt like I was leaving her. Like she was in that street suffering, and I was walking away. Walking back inside I couldn't help but remember that last time she was here.

Flashback

"_Spencer I'm going out, see you whenever? She giggled._

_I smiled at her, "See you whenever, kiddo!"_

'See you whenever? Whenever? What kind of brother am I?!'

The radio on was on, and 'The Way you Want It ' by Keane came on. There were a few lines in it that really spoke to me.

"f_rom the shelter of your home  
as you walk into the rain  
send a message that ya know she'll hear  
though she's so far away _

_even though ya have been wrong before  
she'll hear ya now  
ya know she will  
but ya don't know how" _

_And... _

_"from the shelter of the rain  
as you walk into the tube  
as you think of her ya wonder  
if she thinks about you too" _

_"and I don't know why ya feel so bad  
where is the life ya once had?  
and still this horrid feeling  
grows and grows the way ya want it to"_

_"This one I think applied for me" I thought _

I started crying in my hands, wallowing it my self pity. I wish I could have been a better guardian. I was so careless. Maybe Granddad was right two years ago_._

_'Granddad? What was I supposed to tell him?'_

_This was too much to handle in one day... I tried to sleep. It didn't go too well._

* * *

I thought this chapter was a bit depressing. I promise theres more Seddie in the next one :)

Again, your proably think Spencer in a bit OC, how would expect him to be, when his little sister died.


	3. Telling Mrs Benson

Okay, I would highly reccomend you listening to '**No Way Out' by Phil Collins** while reading this, if you want the full emotionally effect.

I started school a few days ago, so it took me 2 days to finish this.

Enjoy!

**_

* * *

_****_Freddie's POV_**

I sleeping soundly, until I heard my doorknob jiggle. I jolted awaked, then walked up to my door letting her in.

"Fredward! What are you doing up so late?!" My mom ranted. 'Not even been home for 2 minutes, and shes already complaining about something' I thought, with a smirk. 'I've gotta tell her now'

"As a growing boy you shouldn't be up at _**2am**_!"

"Mom... I gotta tell you something" I said as calmly as I could. "Sit down"

"Freddie, honey, whats wrong?" I sighed. 'No way out.'

"Mom, today there was an accident..." I started out. This was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I was holding back tears as I continued.

"Carly was crossing the street when a drunk driver...hit her" I said the last part quietly. I heard my mom gasp.

"Is she alright?!" Shes alright isn't she?" I could sense the panic in my mothers voice. I stayed silent, but my mom grabbed my shoulders.

"Answer me!"

I shook my head "No..."

My mom's eyes started to glisten. She knew what 'no' meant A long silence passed through us, when finally my mom said something.

"How's Spencer taking it?"

"I'm not sure, but I imagine not well"

"Well, tomorrow I'll check on him."

"Oh one more thing, Sam's here"

"Why?"

"She's a mess, Mom. I've never seen her like this, and I know she really wouldn't want to be alone right now..." I explained.

"Thats a good Freddie" She told me quietly, pinching my cheeks.

"I'm gonna go check on Sam..." My mother nodded, as I headed to my door. I opened the door, just to see her asleep, lying on her stomach. I sat on the edge of the bed, held her hand with one hand, and brushed some hair out of her face. I got a good look at her, her tear-streaked face, her flush cheeks. She _was _a mess. I felt her bangs were wet, probably from tears falling into her hair.

"I'm gonna make all this easier for you, I promise" I whispered even though she could really hear me. I kissed her forehead, though not knowing why.

'I probably shouldn't wake her' I thought.

I opened the door quietly so I wouldn't disturb the blonde headed girl in my bed.

The Next Morning...

I woke up at around 9:00AM. My mom already left for work, so Sam and I were home alone for today. Of course, I'm sure Sam wants to go home now, and salvage whatever pride she can. Deep down he knew something inside her was dying.

Something was out of place in her world, in everyone's world. Suddenly, He heard his door open, and spun around to see Sam still in the clothes she was yesterday (Though, a bit wrinkled), rubbing her eyes. I got up and approached her, but before I could say anything, she kissed my cheek.

"Thanks for, uh..last night. Your not as big of a dork as you seem" She told me with a smile. I laughed slightly at the last part,

"I'll take that as a compliment." I was pretty relieved that she made this much of a recovery form last night, though I knew that was a fake smile.

"So you want a ride home?"

"Sure, but first..." Sam went over to his fridge, and grab a sandwich from one of the shelves. (A/N: Yes, Freddie's fridge magically produces sandwiches)

"Ok now lets go" Sam said half way through the door, her sandwich stuffed in her mouth.

"What a surprise." I said, rolling my eyes. I grabbed my car keys, and stuffed them into my pocket. As we walked downstairs, I could see an uneasy expression on her face. Suddenly, she came to a stop right in front of the doors. That uneasy expression had worsened.

"I-I can't, I-" She was cut off.

"Come on Sam, your gonna have to face this sooner or later."

"But-"

"You can't stay locked in a building forever!"

"Ozzy Osbourne did!"

"That was in LA and all he did was lock himself in there for a day or two just to trash it."

"Ya' know, excuse me for not wanting to go to the place my best friend died." I sighed, I knew this was coming. I wasn't sure what to do, so I did all I could do. I took her hand, remembering the promise I made her last night. She took a deep breath, and open the door. I went first, and had to pull her outside. She got a good look at where it happened, and gripped my hand a little tighter. That expression returned.

"Come on, lets just get to my house." She said, walking toward my car. I couldn't help but notice how depressed she sounded, all of a sudden. Once driving, she asked.

"So when did you get your own car?" Sam asked in a nonchalant tone. I really could care less. She was talking instead of crying, and that was a plus in my book.

"Well I found it abandoned, and Spencer helped me fix it up-"

"Woah, woah ,wait Spencer? Are you sure this thing is safe to drive?" She chuckled.

"Don't worry, if this thing was gonna burst into flames it would have all ready." I was also laughing.

We pulled up to Sam's house. Her mom was home, and I immediately knew she didn't want to be here. I got out, deciding I'd walk her in. I knew she wanted me to, and appreciated the fact I did, but didn't say anything. I opened the door for her, but then a holler was heard

"SAM!" Sam's eye widen and pulled me inside.

'_It was her mom, Sarah Puckett'_

* * *

For those who have read my story, iBeat up Sa,m, I haven't forgotten about it. I'm waiting 'till ITTK for inspiration.

As you can see, I quote Tim Rice-Oxley lyrics a lot in the series.

These inspired alot of this chapter:

I don't wanna be adored  
Don't wanna be first in line  
Or make myself heard  
I'd like to bring a little light  
To shine a light on your life  
To make you feel loved

No, don't wanna be the only one you know  
I wanna be the place you call home

I lay myself down  
To make it so, but you don't want to know  
I give much more  
Than I'd ever ask for

Will you see me in the end  
Or is it just a waste of time  
Trying to be your friend  
Just shine, shine, shine  
Shine a little light  
Shine a light on my life  
Warm me up again

Fool, I wonder if you know yourself at all  
You know that it could be so simple

I lay myself down  
To make it so, but you don't want to know  
You take much more  
Than I'd ever ask for

Say a word or two to brighten my day  
Do you think that you could see your way

To lay yourself down  
And make it so, but you don't want to know  
You take much more  
Than I'd ever ask for


	4. More Problems

Hello everybody! I decided to write more, considering I just got some bad news... My friend. Joe, has stomache cancer. I'm really upset, and thats what helps me write the best for this series.

Enjoy the fruits of my suffering

**Sam's POV**

I heard my mother scream my name, and pulled Freddie inside. I don't know what I was thinking, but she was already coming so I whispered something to Freddie.

"Go up to my room, I'll be right there."

"But-"

"Just go" I gritted through my teeth, pushing him up the stairs. My mom came to me, just as he left.

"WHERE WERE YOU?!", She screamed in my face. It took me back slightly, but I tried not to look frightened. That really set her off.

"I-I was at Carly's", I couldn't help, but stutter.

"Why are you stuttering?! Do I scare you? Is that it? Am I a bad mother, that I scare my child?!'', My mother accused me. I hated it when she did that. Made it so whatever I said, I was wrong. She pulled me by my hair and shoved me into the stairs. I ran up to the safety of my room, but It was who was inside that was comforting.

"You better run from your 'scary mother'!" She put air quotes around 'scary mother'. I ran into my room, shut the door, sliding down. Tears spilled over my eyes, but I put no effort into stopping them. I heard my mother muffled voice for downstairs.

"And I know Carly's dead, you little liar! How stupid do you think I am?! Carly's dead!" '_Carly's dead, Carly's dead_' It repeated again and again in my mind.

That statement hit me like a smack in the face. I buried my head in my knees. My arms over my head blocking my ear, I tried to shut out the noise. I t wasn't working. I was expecting Freddie's hand on my shoulder, but I felt nothing but air. I looked up to just to see him taking a hand full of clothes from my drawers. Frozen in my place, I started to speak.

"What are you doing?" He didn't say anything until he had my backpack full of my clothes. He grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet.

"Come on, your coming home with me"

"What? No I can't, I...when I come back my mom will kill me."

"I don't care. I'm not letting you stay here like this." He said, seriousness written all over his face.

"Freddie..." I really did want to go with him, but what would happen when I got back?

"Sam for once can you just listen to what I have to say, and acknowledge the fact I might be right?" I sighed.

"Okay..." I said quietly.

"Good, now come on" He opened my door, and peaked downstairs to see if I saw my mother. I motioned him to follow me, but then I heard my mom yell form the bottom of the stairs.

"What did you sleep with this one?! Little whore!" I felt my cheeks burn red, but at the moment all that mattered was getting the hell out of here. At the bottom of the stairs my mom threw her beer bottle at me, but I only stood there frozen in the shock of the moments, until I felt something grab my arm pulling me out of the way. I should have guessed...Freddie. I looked up at him, but he just pulled me to the door, shoving us both out. We rushed into his car, and as he was pulling out of the driveway, I heard my mom scream something, but I wasn't paying enough attention to hear it. I started to get the that awful feeling. The miserable, depressing feeling. That sick feeling you get when your about to cry.

**Freddie's POV**

I looked over Sam, only to see tears sliding down her cheeks.

"Hey whats wrong?" I asked her, worried.

"Nothing" she wasn't a very good liar, for someone who lies as much as she does.

I wasn't really sure what to say.

"I'm not sure if this helps, but I want you to know I won't let anything bad happen to you." She looked up at me, with a half a smile. The way home was in a comfortable silence. Just like on cue, Love is the End came on the radio.

'_Now is the time of our comfort and plenty_

_These are the days we've been working for_

_Nothing can touch us, and nothing can harm us_

_Nothing goes wrong anymore'_

The lyrics swirled around my mind. Everything felt right, even though I knew nothing was right. That fact was brought back to me when we arrived at the apartment, the place where it all happened.

**Sam's POV**

I entered Freddie's room without a word. After all thats happened today, I just wanted some sleep. As I drifted to sleep, I hung on Freddie's words from earlier.

'_I'll won't let anything bad happen to you'_

Did he mean it, or did he just say that to make me stop crying? He sounded like he meant it. I would never tell him this, but now I really depended on him to be there. I know it wasn't like me, but I needed him right now. To know that even when I feel most alone, I won't be alone. I hope he meant it.

**Later with Mrs. Benson (Her POV)**

I opened the Shays door, only to find Spencer curled up on the couch. An empty beer bottle lay on the table next to him.

"Spencer?" I whispered, shaking him slightly. He stirred, then woke with a jolt. He assumed a Kung Fu position, then relaxed as he saw who it was me. (Typically Spencer)

"Oh its you." I could sense his depressed tone.

"I heard what happen... I'm so sorry" I said sympathetically. If I ever lost Freddie I would be devastated. I knew exactly what he's feeling. Empty, alone, like you failed. He got up.

"Yeah, well so am I."

"If there's anything I can do..." I tried to finish, but the look on his face told me other wise. The last thing he wanted was to be pitied. I sighed then started to speak.

"Are you ok?" I asked simply.

"Well I guess. I miss her, and has been a bit depressed, but I guess I'll be okay." He tried to speak convincingly, but he was breaking, and I could see the pain in his eyes.

"If you don't mind, can you please leave? I just wanna be alone." I nodded. The last thing that ran through my mind was: 'This wasn't Spencer'

* * *

Are the Bensons such kind people! I guess it runs in the family. As you can see while everybody else is really taking this whole thing hard, Freddie is the one to keep himself together, and stay strong for everyone else. You will find out why this is so next chapter.

Again, I have lyrically quotes in this :) I think after the next chapter they will stop, maybe (probably not). Keep watch for tyhe next, whe I started writing it, I was crying my eyes out, so it will be a bit sad.

One more thing: Should I make some romance happen between Mrs. Benson and Spencer, or would that be inappropriate?

* * *


	5. The funeral

Officially my longest chapter ever!

I worked for days on this and its supposed to be the best and saddest chapter yet! Hope you all will like it!

**Freddie's POV**

I fell on the couch in a heap. Today was so tiring, but I kept thinking of Sam. I know shes tough, but the emotionally pain she must be going through... I can't imagine it. I was surprised at how well she's taking all this in. I can't really recall seeing her sobbing, crying lightly maybe, but not sobbing. Just then my phone rang. I answered it, only to hear news that would really put a damper on things. The funeral was in two days. I pushed my hands into my forehead in frustration.

"Just as I thought things couldn't get any worst!" I muttered to myself, although I wasn't worried about myself, or Spencer, or my mom. It was Sam. I knew she wouldn't want to go Carly's funeral.

'How am I supposed to tell her?' I asked my self.

I decided I'd play it by ear tomorrow and just get some sleep. I didn't care that it was only 7:00pm.

**The next morning...**

I heard Sam open my door, as I sat up to look at her. Apparently, she found the clothes, because she was in her pajamas. A white T-shirt with the British flag on it, and her pink check pajama bottoms.

"Hey..." She said quietly, then came to sit down next to me.

"Hey, you feel okay?"

"Yeah, a lot better than yesterday. Thanks for getting me out of there. I needed to." That was when she really smiled for the first time since this all happened. Then I remembered what I had to tell her, but broke my heart to know that I was gonna take away the surprisingly good mood she's in. I took a deep breath.

"Sam, I got a call last night, and...well the funeral is tomorrow." I saw her smile fade away, as she stood up.

"I'm not going." She muttered simply.

"Come on Sam, Carly would have wanted you to at her funeral." I tries to reason with her, but she wasn't listening.

"Don't say funeral!" She said quickly.

"Okay, but I still think you should go."

"NO!" She shouted in my face. "You wouldn't understand. Don't care about her the way I do!"

"I don't care?! You honestly think I don't care for her? You honestly think that after you go to bed, I don't think about her?! That I don't think about how much I miss her every night?! Well I do, and just because I'm trying to be strong about this doesn't mean I don't!" I yelled at her. This took her aback a bit, seeing shocked expression that she now had.

"I don't know where I'd be if I didn't keep myself together, and just fell apart, and I defiantly don't know where you would be?" Ended my rant, pointing at her with my finger.

I then looked up to see the defeated look in her eyes, and immediately knew I shouldn't have said that. A pang a guilt ran through me, as she fled to my room. No w I understood. She was in denial. She didn't want to believe Carly was dead. She might have hurt me, but even if her heart melted away I would still be there for her. It was funny how just last week we hated eachother, but now... It doesn't seem that simple anymore.

I entered my room, and found her sitting on the edge on my bed, staring at the floor.

"Sam..." I started.

" You don't have to say it, I'll go." She whispered. I sat down next to her, putting my arm around her shoulder.

"I'm sorry, this is just... its too much for me to take in." I didn't say anything, there was nothing left to say.

**Sam's POV**

I still don't know why I snapped at Freddie, he's done so much for me. I never thought I'd see the day where I was grateful to him. I had to admit, it feel good being taking care of, having a kind heart to hold you when you need it. It felt nice to have someone you could rely on. Carly used to be that person... Thats when I realized that he was it. Freddie was that person now. I couldn't afford to lose him too. At that moment, I wrapped my arms around his waist, though not knowing why. He smiled at me and held me, but soon got up.

"I'll be back in a few. Just some errands to run." Freddie closed my door as he left, as I fell back on my bed, feeling better. Though the thought of Carly's funeral still floated in the back of my head. I soon discover that fact that I hadn't eaten much in days. I really wasn't hungry, but I maybe something in their fridge would spark up my hunger.

**Freddie's POV**

I went outside my apartment, straight to Carly's apartment. I knocked at the door, only to have it open on its own.

"Spencer?" I called nervously.

Spencer lay on the couch, looking like he just spent a week in to the wood. He hadn't shaved in atleast a few days, and definitely hadn't cleaned in few days. I tried again to get a reply.

"I got your call, I was wondering if I could get a dress of Carly's for Sam to wear?" He still didn't answer, only groaned and turned to away from me. He didn't want to think about the funeral either.

"Come on Spencer, I know your upset and even though I can't say I know exactly what your feeling, I know that you can't keep living like this." I paused. "You have to snap out of this!" He finally snapped up.

"Well maybe I don't want to, maybe I don't want to just move on! No one seems to get the fact that she was my sister! Not you, not Granddad, not Your mom!" He ended with a sigh.

"I'm sorry, if you wanna be left alone...Can I just go up and find something for Sam to wear?"

"Yeah, sure" He replied, in an almost broken tone. As I left I noticed on the stairs, that Spencer was looking at himself closely in the mirror. He was eying his five 'o clock shadow. Maybe this was a start.

I entered Carly's perfectly neat room, and now was the time I wanted to break down at the sight of all this. I saw many picture of all three of us together. I made my way over to her closet, only to find her clothes as neatly hung as the rest of her room. I soon found a fairly small simply black dress. About knee length, strapless, with a black sweater attached to it. I grabbed some tights on my way out, but then something caught my eye. It was a disc on her nightstand, with the words 'When She Loved Me' An idea than came to me. I grabbed the disc, and knew what I was gonna be working on for the next 24 hours or so.

**Later that day**

I came back to my apartment, and found Sam staring at my TV with a blank expression. She clearly was watching what every was on the screen.

"Hey, I got you something." I said, and her eyes immediately lit up, knowing that she was getting something.

"Whadya get?"

"Well, I got you a dress to wear to the...funeral." I said that last word softer than the rest.

"Oh..."

"Look I know you really don't want to go but,-" I was cut off, by an annoyed Sam.

"I know, I know, okay!" I decided I shouldn't say anymore on the subject.

"Just try on the dress before we leave to make sure it fits you." I said. She didn't say anything, just pulled the clothes out of my hand and went to my room. That has become her routine action. Whenever she was upset about something, she'd go directly to my room. I made sure she didn't take to disc with her. I had a feeling that even though the thing I was about to work on would bring a few tears, I knew that I would be thanked later. Just a way of bringing up the good times we've had with Carly. I grabbed my laptop and got to work, finding as many pictures of Carly as I could. Some from when she was smaller, and some from the present.

**3 hours 'till the funeral**

'We had about three hours' I thought, looking at my watch. I had already changed into black dress pants, a white shirt, and a black tie. My jacket was hanging by the door. Sam had gone into my room to change into her dress. She had insisted on wearing her converse, so I just let her have her free pass. Just then she came out in the dress, wearing tights with converse. She looked beautiful.

"Wow, you look great." I complimented her. I saw her smile just a little.

"You don't look too bad yourself...Dork" I had never been so happy to hear that. I fingered the disc and my jacket pocket, then said,

"You ready to go?"

"Yeah I guess."

As we went to my car, Sam eyes started to tear. She didn't even look at that spot. All she did was keep looking forward, evidently holding back tears. When we got in the car, I took her hand reassuringly, then started driving.

We enter the funeral only to see Spencer, he _had _cleaned up and shaved. My mom, She was standing by Spencer, her own eyes glassy. Granddad, He just stood there, and stared at the back of the room., hiding his tears. Her dad, he was standing with a straight face, trying to act like the military man he was, but we could all see th pain in his eyes, and of course...the casket. I noticed Sam start to back up at the sight of this, but I put my arm 'round her and walked her toward Carly. She looked so peaceful. Sam knelt down to her casket, shaking. I decided I'd let her be alone with Carly.

Now it was my turn. All I was doing was repeating what I had been telling her every night, when I pray for her.

**Spencer's POV**

I guess it was my turn now. I slowly made my way over to her. No turning back.

'Hey Carly...' I started. 'How ya' feeling?' I ran my fingers over her cold hands, and the fact that she was dead came rushing back to me like a smack in the face.

'I know that I haven't always been a good brother,or guardian. Ruining that Christmas for you, making you have to take care of me more than I took care of you, interfering with your first serious relationship, but I just want you to know... I am so so sorry.' I felt hot tears spill over one at a time. 'I so sorry for not being the parent you needed. I loved you so much, more than you'll ever know. I wanted what was best for, but then let this happen! Your sitting here in a casket because of me right now, because of my carelessness. I am sorry Carly, so so sorry...' I was now crying. I got up and felt Mrs. Benson's hand on my shoulder. At the moment, we were all asked to say a few words about her. I went first.

"Carly was my sister, and I loved her more than anything else in my life. Growing up was hard, moving from place to place, but I was always there from her. When I was a teenager, it seemed that wherever Carly was, I could call home." I couldn't say anymore, without falling apart in front of everyone. "She was the best sister," I looked up at Sam and Freddie, "And friend anyone could ever have. She will be missed"

**Sam's POV**

Now it was my turn. I left the comfort of Freddie's arm around me, and went up.

"Carly was the best friend I've ever had. She let me stay at her house all the time. She took the blame for when I got in trouble at school. Everyone loved her. Girls and guys then same. I still remember when I first met her." I couldn't talk about it. It was too painful. "I'm not good with speeches, but Carly, " I turned to her casket. "I'm gonna miss you more than you'll ever know." I got off platform as fast as I could, not wanting to let people see me crying. I held on to Freddie for dear life, feeling the same vulnerability I felt the night it happened.

"As this time, Freddie Benson would like to present a multi-media presentation of Carly." The deacon said.

**Freddie's POV**

I noticed everyone's confused expression. Thats right, I hadn't told anyone. Well, I suppose that was better. For it to be a surprise. Though, it could horribly backfire, I put the disc in the player. The synthesizer started to play on the disc, and subtitles came on the huge screen before the crowd.

_'Carly Shay'_

_Sister, Daughter, Friend'_

The lyrics started and the vocalist voice filled the room.

'W_hen somebody loved me everything was beautiful_

_Every hour we spent together, lives within my heart'_

_Photo came on the screen of Carly, Sam and me. We were all hanging at the Groovy Smoothies. That was when life was good_

"_And when she was sad, I was there to dry her tears, _

_and when she was happy so was I_

_When she loved me"_

_Next, a picture of Spencer and Carly hugging on Christmas._

_Spencer's eyes filled with tears at the sight, but whether they were happy or sad tears was the question._

"_Through the summers and the fall,_

_We had eachother, that was all"_

_Another picture of all three of us. We were in the park doing a segment of iCarly called 'iName Squirrels'. It was a stupid bit, but fun, never the less. Another came on with it. We were trying to see who could build the tallest pile of leaves. Sam had pushed me in my own pile, so the camera was at a weird angle, but just as memorable._

"_And when she was lonely, I was there to comfort her,_

_And I knew that she loved me"_

_A picture came on of Spencer, holding Carly. It was when her boyfriend just dumped her. She felt so alone then, but Spencer had somehow made her smile again._

"_So the years went by, I stayed the same_

_But she began to drift away."_

_A long chain of photos were shown, starting with when she was 3 up to the present. _

"_I was left alone_

_Still I'm waiting for the day _

_when she'll say I'll always love you"_

_This one was a second of the iCarly webisode where Sam and Carly were fighting, than a picture was shown of them hugging. That put a smile on Sam's face._

"_Lonely and forgotten_

_Never thought she'd look my way_

_She smiled at me and held me just like she used to do"_

_This was another chain of photos of Carly showing affection for each friend and family. Whether it was a kiss or a hug, or a high five, it looked pretty sweet._

"_And I knew that she loved me"_

_The picture of all of us posing for the world record photo. I just thought it was appropriate for a pic. of the gang._

_On the last note of the song, a photo was shown of just Carly. Happy and joyous Carly._

When it all ended, I pulled the disc out of the player, ad quickly went to the microphone, before anyone could ask anything questions.

"I know this was bit painful to watch, but I think we all needed to remember the good times."

I exited to stage, and by the that time, it was time for the burial. I was about to collect Sam and leave, but Spencer stopped me.

"Thanks Freddie, I needed that." With that he exited through the door. The Sam came up to me, and lead me out the door, but before she could I went back to Carly's casket and summoned Spencer and Sam to join me. I took a picture out of my pocket of the four of us.

"Remember us..." I whsipered, putting my arm around Sam, and my hand on Spencer's.

The burial went quickly. The whole time people were crying out there goodbyes, but I still felt as thought, when I had Sam on my arm, I had to be strong.

On the way home, Sam was surpisingly doing okay. Half the car ride she was sobbing her heart out, but she calmed down. We got to my apartment and I sat down on the couch with a blank expression. Sam noticed this and sat down next to me, and hugged me. Thats when I realized it was my turn to do what I've been wanting to do for days. It was my turn to break down. My turn to fall apart. My turn to cry my eyes out. I sat there and did just that with Sam's arms around me...

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So what did you think?

You tell me

BTW, go to my youtube page (CertifiedShipper97) for my review on iSpeed Date

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	6. Moving on

Okay more bad news for me. A really good friend of me and my family died. Yet agian it inspired me to write based on my experience.

Well on with the story. It nowhere near as long as the last chapter, but I think interesting.

**Sam's POV**

I woke up, only to find myself on the couch, with Freddie around me. He was on his side, his head rest against the arm of the couch. I was dominoed atop of him, quite comfortably, I must say. Suddenly, my mind flashed back to last night. Still a bit upset, from yesterday, I decided to just stay there for a moment. Honestly, I was somewhat relieved. I was afraid that Freddie would never get a chance to let go, and then end up with an emotional break later. No, he finally got what he needed. I decided that Freddie wouldn't feel like cooking, so I made breakfast for myself. It was early, around 5:00 am. The 4 hours between then and when Freddie finally woke up gave me time to think. Think about where I was gonna go from here, when the truth is, I was racing down a road I don't recognize. At that moment, Freddie had awaken.

"Morning" He said, yawning. His eyes where still a bit teary, now that I got a good look at him.

"Hey..."

"Um...thanks for last night"

"De ja vu"

Neither of us could find the words to say. I knew there was a lot for us to talk about. Like long how long I could stay here. At this piont, I knew Freddie seemed to care about me, more than my mother. I didn't even know how long I could stay here. I still do depend on him.

"We need to talk..." He finally said. I nodded, as he motioned me to sit next to him.

"So what do you want to talk about?"

**Freddie's POV**

I sighed, and started to speak,

"Well, first off, I wanted to talk to you about your mother." I saw her eyes look up at me with a distressed look. She didn't want to talk about this, but we had to.

"What are you gonna do about her?"

Sam didn't say anything, just held her head in her palms, and shook her head. I put my hand on her back, and she mumbled something.

"Please don't make me go back there.." It was almost inaudible, but I heard enough to feel a pang of sympathy. She wanted desperately to feel better, but she was no where near better.

"How about for now, we just go for a walk?"

**With Spencer**

It was amazing. I had gotten up, showered, ate, and then realized why Carly wasn't there with me. In one of my favorite song, they mention that 'an empty house is not a home'. I could understand what that phrase meant at this moment more that ever. This was all too unreal, this wasn't happening. I'm hoping that I'll wake up and realize this was all a horrific dream. I was truly spiralling. I needed to move on, wake up and look around. I tried but it seems that I like the misery better.

I feel guilty, trying. Just then, the doorbell rang. I opened it to find an officer.

**With Sam and Freddie**

**(Freddie's POV)**

As we down the street, then to the park. I felt a strange wave of bliss. I hadn't felt that for awhile now. Neither of us had. The rain had started, but she didn't seem to care. We walked together in silence, until we decided to sit down on bench.

"Having fun?" I asked, half joking, considering we were sitting on a wooden bench in the middle of a rain storm.

"More than I have in a while."

For a few moments, we just gazed silently into each other's eyes, until my phone rang. The voice on the other end sounded urgent. It took me a few moments to realized that it was Spencer. This couldn't be good.

"Who was that?!" Sam asked, worry in her eyes.

"I don't know, but we gotta go." She looked puzzled.

I grabbed her hand and pulled her, "Now!"

We ran until we got into my car. I then let go of her wrist.

"Okay, what gives?' She yelled in my ear.

I turned to her with a solemn face. "They found the guy."

I was hoping she knew what I meant so I wouldn't have to explain it to her. I don't think I could. I heard her gasped, then her bewildered expression, as replaced with a scowl. Sam had changed a lot through this whole experience, but I knew that when she saw this guy, we were gonna have a full blown episode. I better be prepared to hold her back, though I wanted to lash out at this guy more than she did. The drive was in silence, until we got there. Before I even let her out of the car, I had to get in there first, so I tried my best to get ahead of her. We ended up entering together, and thats when a police officer asked us to follow him. He lead us into a room, where we saw Spencer, looking mad as hell. I couldn't believe I was gonna be looking directly at the man you killed one of my best friends. It took me a moment to notice Sam's expression. Tears of rage and anger fell, and she cringed, trying to swallow her sobs. She looked about ready to explode, when she suddenly lashed out, only to be stopped by my arms clutching around her waist, keeping her from moving.

"Let go!" She groaned then started to slam her fisted against my arm. I decided that she wasn't ready to see this guy. She still needed time to calm down. So there I was, dragging her out of the premises, kicking and screaming. I stopped for a second, but kept hold of her wrists.

"Okay, what just happened?!" I asked, sounding a bit angry with her. She huffed, pushed me out of the way, and got into my car. I could tell she was upset with me too, for whatever reason. I suppose she expected me to let her attack the guy, as revenge. I didn't know what it would accomplish in her world, it certainly didn't make her feel any better. Only the way home, I thought about everything I did when I was in a state like this. First, I turn on every light I could, so everything wouldn't seem so depressing. I guess I could start with that. It wouldn't help what she was feeling deeply. Every aspect of her living being was focused on the hatred of one person. That couldn't be heathy. We arrived at the apartment, and Sam didn't even bother to go to my room. She sat on my couch and cried. It was evident now that she didn't care about crying in front of me anymore.

"Come on. You need something to take your mind of this." She didn't answer, so I sat down next to her. She looked up at me, tears in her eyes. Finally she said something.

"I've been thinking, and if you wanna take me back to my house, you can."

"No, you don't have to leave."

"But, I can't stay here forever, and the longer I do, the harder it will to leave when I have to." I didn't really have answer to that.

"Okay, if you really want to, I guess I can drive you." She nodded.

We got there, but Sam didn't seem right.

"You don't have to go..." She stared at her feet, thinking, then got out of my car.

"I can come in with you if out want."

"Thats okay..." I drove away, while Sam walked to her front steps. I saw her cast an eye back to me, and wave, as I did that same. Now I guess I could have time to move on myself, instead of helping Sam.

**Sam's POV**

I enter my house. My mum was passed out on the couch. I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't know I was gone. She was pretty hammered when I left. I climbed the stair way to my room, almost hoping that I'd see Freddie's shadow behind me. It was unbelievable how it only took this one incident that happened in less that a minute, to tear everyone apart. Though, Freddie and I seemed to just grow closer. I sat in my room alone. I dropped my things on the floor, and collapsed against the bed frame, onto the floor. This was absolutely depressing, but I guess I would have to deal. I hadn't felt like this is days. I was literally in the nothing land. All I could do was sit there, in the fetal position on my bed. Just then I heard my mother yelling at someone. I suppose she was on the phone. I tried to shut out the noise, but the yelling, combined with the depression, was all just the reminders of everything I've lost in my life. I felt my eyes burning with unholdable tears. This was all too much for me too handle. By the time I found my phone, I was in hysterics. I dialed Freddie's number shakily.

'Hello?' I had to take a moment to gather myself, but he heard my soft sobs.

'Sam, what happened?!'

'You better come over...'


	7. Alittle help from my friends

Hello all!

I'm gonna be needing a bit of your help to go on with this series. I lost my other

story, iBeat Up Sam, because of lack of ideas and I'm not gonna let that happen again. Okay, I think I'm getting too dramatic, so I'll get to the point. Here are the options:

Time frame: end of a February vacation

Sam and Freddie go back to school, and deal with things there.

Time Frame: during summer

The two keep facing problems ( PLEASE SEND IDEAS)

Time Frame: 20 years later

I can end the fic in the next chapter

Alrightly then, pick one, send ideas, and you'll find out later. I have the next chapter written out, just need to edited it to fit your ideas :)

Thanks so much

-Nicole


	8. Planning

Hello all!

Let me just say, I got a couple really good ideas, that I will be using in the next.

This chapter is pretty much just a filler that will be linking to the next chapter.

**Freddie's POV**

I couldn't believe it. Well, honestly, I anticipated something like this, though I never excepted her to call me in tears about an hour after I dropped her off.

At this point I didn't care what was wrong, I just knew that I had to get over there. Knowing her mother, Sam was in deep if she called me crying. I quickly grabbed my jacket and keys, hoping that I wouldn't wake my mother, after her late shift last night.

**Sam's House**

Okay this was bad, really, really bad. My mum discovered I was home, and now was pounding on my door. All I could do now, was pray that Freddie would come. Though I had no idea how he was gonna get in, just the fact that he would be there was comforting. I went wide-eyed, as my door flung open.

I was too shocked to say anything, but managed to choke out one word

"_Freddie.."_

My mother took me by the hair and pulled me face to face.

"Where were you?!" she gritted through her teeth.

This time, I couldn't just say I was at Carly's, besides I was gone for a week.

" I-I was staying at a friend's that was closer to the funeral home..." Maybe she didn't remember what happened.

"Liar!" My mother shouted, making me want to fall to pieces. She absolutely did remember.

I gathered my confidence that my mum always could easily take away.

"I'm not lying, mum!"

"You better not be arguing with me!"

"Well what if I am?!" I immediately mentally slapped myself. I couldn't imagine what was coming next. Before I could even think, she slapped me harder than she's ever slapped me before. I fell to my knees, and she stormed out.

At that moment, Freddie, came in through my window, just in time to see Sam get slapped.

**Freddie's POV**

I saw Sam fall to her knees, and heard soft whimpers coming from her. She was holding her left cheek. I waited a second to go near her, until those whimpers turned to sobs. I quickly locked her door, and put my arms around her small body, as she buried her face in chests. After a moment, I picked her up and carried her to her bed, bridal style.

"Freddie, I-I can't do this..." she sobbed.

"huh?"

"I thought I could handle myself being here, but I can't! I j-just can't." She sputtered out.

With that, I held her just alittle tighter. Somehow, I felt slightly guilty, I had made her promise that I wouldn't let anything bad happen. I guess it wasn't much, but I couldn't help it. I felt breathing heavily against my chest, and tears soaking my shirt. Finally, Sam seemed to calm down. She sat upright, and wiped eyes, cringing when her fingers went over the huge bruise on her cheek. I couldn't believe I was seeing her in a state like this. It was horrible.

"Well, come on then." I said, gesturing toward the window.

**Sam's POV**

I sighed, and took Freddie's hand. He went down first, and put his hands on my waist, trying to help me out the window. I felt my stomach flip...

In the car, I couldn't help, but stare back at my house. Where am I going form here? I really can't take another heart break. A few weeks ago, I felt so strong. I never would of thought that soon I'd be relying on Freddie to protect me, from the things that are trying to knock me down

When we got in the door, I looked at Freddie and smiled. I didn't know exactly why. (A/N more like I don't know exactly why.. lol) That was followed by my face returning to it's usual downcast look.

"I'm tired..." I then headed to Freddie's door, and shut it behind me. Though, Freddie followed me.

"Look, the last thing you need is to be sitting here by yourself." I remained motionless.

"When is this gonna end?" I asked out of the blue.

"When's what gonna end?"

"You know, this whole ordeal. When am I gonna feel better? When will I be able to go an hour without falling apart?" I was so frustrated.

"Tell you the truth, I can't answer that... You'll get through this, but your gonna go through some suffering."

"Since when are you a shrink?" I smiled at him. My smile faded when another though came into my head. "What about school? We only have a couple more days of February vacation."

"Your gonna have to go to school, so on Monday, you can just see if you can handle it." Freddie said, calmly. '_see if you can handle it.' _For some reason that statement aggravated me. Like he thought I couldn't handle myself.

"And if you can't, I'll take you home." Thats was comforting to know. I didn't really know if I could handle being at school without Carly, but atleast I could go home if I wanted. I nodded.

"I guess that will work..."

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What ever will happen at school?! I'll tell you on thing, Freddie is gonna be in a bit of trouble, well maybe not trouble but,... well you will find out.

BTW, the movie Pearl Harbour influenced the next chapter slightly...

byebye


	9. Leaving a friend

**Heeeelloooo people!** Its been awhile, huh? I'm sorry I didn't uplaod sooner, but I need to be in somewhat of a melencholy mood to write in this series. The holidays put me in too good of a mood to write hurt/comfort.

Well anyway, This is not my best chapter, but enjoy anyway XD

**

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**

**Freddie's P****OV**

"Sam, come on! Its 7:45, get out here!" I yelled at my door. No answer.

"You know damn well your going to school!" I sighed, then pushed the door open. Sam sat on the bed, perfectly ready for school. Backpack and everything. I took one step toward her, and suddenly she got up.

"Don't touch my hair..." she said, almost inaudible. (A/N: anyone know what thats referring too? I'll tell you one thing, its something from S. 1)

I put my hands up in defense, and walk behind her to the door. As we walk down the stairs, all I could think of was how long this day was gonna be.

**Spencer...**

I woke up this morning, feeling like an average day. For some reason I expected today to go like it would have 3 weeks ago. It didn't. I came down stair like any other morning, but only this time, there was no breakfast on the table, no sculpture in the middle of the room, no Sam and Freddie waiting for Carly to get ready, most of all, no Carly. Time went by so oddly, its funny how easy its become to forget her face. Honestly, I don't think I want to. Hurts to remember, but hurts even more too forget. I grabbed an orange out of the refrigerator, and sat on the couch. I guess Carly wouldn't want me to forget. Thats when I had a break through, when the light finally shone through the clouds. All this time, I wasn't remembering. All I did was make myself miserable, but didn't think about what Carly would want me to do. Problem was I didn't know exactly what she would want me to do. Carly had a motherly side to her, and I only knew one person with that same trait, that could help me at this point.

I made my way across the hall, and knocked on the door.

"Um..hi Spencer..." Mrs. Benson said, opening the door. I could tell I was the last person she was expecting to see.

"Hey, I'm sorry for bothering you, but...I just really need to talk to someone" There I said it. No point making small talk.

"Of course, come in" she gestured inside.

**Back at School (Sam's POV)**

I walked into the building with Freddie close behind. Suddenly I could feel people staring at me, though I wasn't sure why. Did they know what had happen, or was I gonna have to keep explaining the situation again and again? So many questions flowed through my head and out again by the time I had gotten to my locker. Freddie was gone. I suppose he had said something about where he was going, but I was too wrapped up in my own thoughts too hear. Suddenly, I was alone, all alone. School felt so strange now. Like something was missing. As the morning dragged on, I couldn't help but see Carly's shadow on every wall, where ever I went. Just like Freddie, a few days ago. Now it was time for History. I didn't really now how to feel about walking into that classroom, everyone whispering back and fourth as I entered. Normally, I would have told them to suck it, but today I just didn't have the strength to.

"Class, right now I would like acknowledge one lovely student who couldn't be here today..." The teacher started. 'Oh god' I thought, knowing what was coming next.

"Carly Shay. Now, I'm not sure exactly what happened, but, Sam, would you please explain?" This couldn't be worst, mainly because I didn't know if I could do it.

"Uh... a-are you sure you don't want Freddie to, I-I mean he was there when it happened" I stuttered.

"No, thats not necessary, just give us a briefing on what happened." I got up from my seat and stood up at the front of the class. I took a deep breathe and started.

"Well, um, I guess Carly was walking somewhere, and was crossing the street-" I swallowed, hoping my eyes welling up with tears, weren't as noticeable as they felt. "-when a car hit her, they didn't even take her to the hospital, because she was...dead right there." I looked up slightly, only to see my schoolmates, jaws dropped, wide-eyed, in horror.

"C-can I go to the bathroom?" The teacher nodded, as I quickly left the room. I couldn't just run home, Freddie was my ride. I guess I would just wait for my next class, and hope it went better than this.

Soon the bell rang, and I felt someone pull me into a hug. As a few seconds I determined who it was, Wendy.

"I'm so sorry about Carly..." I pulled out of her grip. I had gone this long without a breakdown, I wasn't gonna do it now.

"Thanks" I whispered, as I walked away. Soon more people repeated Wendy's action, and gave there sympathy, but the more I was reminded of Carly, the worst it made me feel.

"Hey Sam." I heard Freddie's voice behind me. I turn around.

"You holdin' up alright?" he asked. I nodded.

"I've got an AV club meeting after school so you sure you'll be alright for now?" I nodded again, though I wasn't quite sure if I was alright. I tried to avoid people as much as possible, but soon enough I had run into one of Jocelyn's friend's. The blond one.

"Hey, where's your body guard?" She smirked

"What body guard?" I glared at her.

"Ya' know the dork. I thought you couldn't go anywhere without him" How the hell did she know any of that? I don't think I wanna know.

"I can handle myself fine"

"Oh yeah right, without him you probably would be on the floor crying by now." My glare softened, realizing that what she said might not have been totally untrue. All of a sudden, I was on the floor. She was face to face with me.

"See?" I wanted so much to punch her in the face, but I couldn't,, I just couldn't

"Ha! Freddie's making you soft!" I soon realized that there was a few people rubbernecking around us.

**With Freddie**

I entered the AV club room, finding my best guy friend, Tim, and all the other guys. Greg, Tom, Adam, Laurence, and Steven.

"Hey guys!" I greeted. "You already installed that new microprocessor into mainframe? I missed all the fun!"

"Sorry mate, had to be done, and you weren't here." Tim spoke with his native British accent. The meeting went on, as we all decided to continue with our latest project. Building a computer. Suddenly, Greg asked,

"So I guess you finally decided to give up on Carly?" He smiled.

"Huh? Ugh, dude this isn't funny, I think I'm falling for her." I slightly blushed.

"Falling for who?"

"Sam"

"Took you long enough..." Steven mumbled, still focused on his computer.

"So I guess it took Carly to die fro you to finally get over her, though I'm not sure she would appreciate you dating her best friend, when could have had feelings for you..." Adam said, his voice dying down toward the end of the sentence. Wow, I hadn't thought of that.

"Belt up Adam! Freddie's being a better friend taking care of her." Tim defended me, while I just sat and watched these guys go on.

"So your sayin' that your best friend hooked up with another friend that used to love you, you wouldn't come bad and kick his ass?" Laurence said, with his thick Boston accent.

"Well all I know, is that I have no part in this, do I?" Tom blurted out sarcastically.

I got up and deemed the meeting over.

"Neither do I..." I said as I left to find Sam. Well I found her. Outside with many people surrounding her. I put my hand on her shoulder, only this time she shoved it off.

"Just leave me alone..." She said, with her voice breaking. She ran off, leaving me wondering what the hell just happened.

* * *

Well there you go! If you've seen the movie Pearl Harbour, you'll that the scene with Freddie and his friend's was somewhat stolen from a scene in that movie. The story Rafe, and Danny, and Evelyn of that movie reminds me of the chapters of this story. Ya' know, 'the funeral' and 'moving on'.

Well anyway, remember you can follow me on Twitter as 'MyShadow97', Facebook as 'Nicole Farzanfar', and Youtube as 'CertifiedShipper97'

(On youtube, you an my friend and I's review and speculation for the newest episodes of iCarly)


	10. Confusion

I**'**ll be honest, I'm not happy with this chapter at all, but I found it so ironic that if Freddie had pushed Carly out of the way in the first chaptet, no one of this would have ever happened. No relationship development betweenn Sam and Freddie. Possible the same thing in the TV series.

(Not that I'm saying that I would have wanted Carly to die in iSaved You Life, that would be just cruel)**

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**

**Sam's POV**

_I looked at my surroundings, and saw that I was in front of Bushwell. Suddenly, I heard a scream, and turned around to see Carly in the path of speeding car. It seemed to of happened all too fast. In a blink of an eye, Carly was seconds away from death when Freddie pushed her out of the way.__ Soon Freddie was on the ground, but I couldn't do anything but stand there in horror. _

_Tears clouded in my eyes. I couldn't remember anything after that._

_Somehow, I was transported in front of the door to the iCarly studio. Carly and Freddie were in there...making out. I felt my heart rate quicken, like it was I supposed to be me. No! Noway! This wasn't happening! But why was the feeling continuing? I wanted to just walk away, but that image is all I saw._

I woke up breathing heavily. The first thing I could think was, 'What was that about?' I fell backward into my pillow confused. My head soon started filling with all the possibilities.

This is what it would be like if I didn't have Freddie. If Carly hadn't been hit that night. Tears fell fled down my cheeks, though the reason was complicated to think about...

* * *

_It only takes a spark to tear the world apart, this tiny little thing to make it all begin..._

You tell me what it mean, and why it relates to all of this. ;)


	11. Horrid feelings grow and grow

Heeeelloooo! Sorry it's been awhile but in the midst of writing this chapter when I got this, charming little review

**... Wow this story is horribley written, you need more practice.**

**No one likes iCarly.**

If you think this is true, please say so. I can take constructive critizism, but not just plain nasty :) thanks

Well anyway, this is a bit of a surprising chapter... ;-)

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Its been two days, I've still been ignoring Freddie, but he still doesn't seem to care. Well, you know what? Who cares? If he does care for me enough to beg for my voice, then I'm gonna give in!

'I'll just go to Carly's and hang with-' I sighed, realizing my mistake. Covering my head in my hands, I was coming to the realization that I was running out of life lines

**Freddie's POV**

'_Its been days, and Sam still wasn't talking to me. What the hell did I do?! I've been helping her, and helping her, and suddenly she's too good for that?'_

I sighed, not knowing what to do. _'If she didn't want me around to help, then maybe that was best. Maybe I should let her be, and heal on her own. It's just the kind of person she is. If she wants to be bitch about it, after everything I'd done for her, even when she constantly makes my life miserable..Then fine! Does she have no appreciation for anyone? ' _I became even more enraged with my every thought.

I had to think for a while, so I grabbed my keys, and even though I had a feeling I'd end up walking.

With Spencer

"I guess I see what your saying..." Spencer said, looking at his feet, on the coffee table.

"Good, I know you feel responsible, but this isn't healthy." Mrs. Benson repeated again for the tenth time.

"I know, I know, but you don't know what it's like to loose someone you were supposed to protect, and you care for a lot, too. I can't help but feel responsible" (A/N: Avatar fans, does this seem familiar?)

"But your not responsible, and thats what your not thinking about!" Spencer looked at her in defeat.

"Wheres the life you once had?" Mrs. Benson added.

"Your right... Thank you" She smiled at him, then hugged him.

He looked in hers eye for a moment, then kissed her cheek. With that, Marissa left.

**Sam's POV**

I guess I was going to be alone for a bit, so I decided on listening to my Pear Pod.

Next song up was 'He Used To Be A Lovely Boy' by Keane.

_'Time to Leave this town, now your dreams have all let you down, no one here will miss you now'_

_'Find a place where you can hide  
from the love that holds you inside,  
time's so unkind,  
like an old friend leaves you behind'_It was amazing that those few lyrics could bring me to tears. Maybe it was time to do something else. Just then, Freddie walked in.

He glanced at me, then looked again to get a good look.

"Hey... wait, are you crying?"

"What the hell do you care?" I said not looking at him directly.

"Just asking..." He put his hands up, as if to say he was innocent of something.

"God, what is your problem?!" He mumbled. I can't believe he had the nerve to say that!

"You think I need you to treat like a four year old!" I stood up, to yell in his face.

"What?! I've just been trying to help you!" His facial expression practically

screamed '_WTF?!_'

"Well your not! I'm starting wish you would have just left me alone from the start!"

"Oh yeah, I would love to see where you'd be it wasn't for me!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" I said coldly. He paused.

" Like I've mentioned before, I definetly don't know where you would be.

Your mother would have killed you by now!" I felt my eyes glow with anger, then I slapped him as hard as I could, sending all my hatred through my fingers and into that blow.

"Sam, I-" He was cut off when I took his wrist and pushed him against the door.

"I could handle myself FINE! I could leave right now and make it okay!" Freddie's eyes narrowed, then he pushed her off of himself.

"Fine...Then why are you still here?" He almost whispered. I looked at him for a moment, then went to his room, but this time the reason was different...

I took my bag, filled it with the rest of my possessions, and stormed out the room.

"Sam don't... come on." He said calmly, seeming to not even realize that I was going to be out the door in a moment.

I quickly left, hearing Freddie utter something behind me.

"Sam! I didn't mean that!" He yelled this time, but I had no desire to listen. I made my way out of the build, and to no surprise Freddie _wasn't _following. That jackass, he could care less for me, he just felt bad. Now I had no one. Not Freddie, Not Carly Not Spencer, not even my mom. I felt so terrible in the pit of my stomach, and that horrid, almost indescribable feeling of loneliness. When I got outside it as raining, as if on que, like a giant rain cloud was over my head. I made my way over an alley down the street, until I finally fell to my knees.

"Why are doing this to me?!" I yelled up at however was up there, looking up at the dark sky. Soon I got up off the ground, and stood up to look around. I didn't know what time it was, but it must have been late, considering that no one was open. I suppose I could stay out for on night, then maybe go to my mom's or something. I decided to rest my head on one of the tables and chairs outside the Groovy Smoothies. It was uncomfortable but I knew that at some point I would get too tired to care. In the current state I'm in, I couldn't help but think of how much I missed being at Freddie's. Yes, I was mad at him, but part of my heart can't stop thinking about the way he tried to make everything okay. A part that isn't controlled by my brain. I kept flashing back to all the time's he saved me from my own depression. Now all I could do is feel guilty.

**With Freddie**

I sat with my head in hands, the only thought going through my mind was '_What the hell did I just do?'_ I actually know exactly. I let my anger possess me, and didn't think before I acted. Thats what I did! I felt like she didn't apreciate me and just took me for granted. Like I was just a backup friend in her eyes. But whether thats true or not, there was a reason I put up with her, and I had forgotten that. No matter how much she irritates me, she's still my friend and she's still someone I care for. Her gone made me realize just how screwed up I was feeling. I focused on Sam, and even Spencer, trying to make this all easier for them, because I knew thats what Carly would have wanted to happen. Though now, I had nothing to think about. I was literally forced to confront my own sadness. I went to bed thinking of what I was going to do next.

**The Next Morning (Sam's POV)**

I woke up stiff, on the ground? T-bo must have pushed me off or something. Suddenly I heard a guy's voice behind me.

"Hey you!" I turned around to see some jackass in black.

"You want some of this?" He said with a sly grim, as he held out a beer. I didn't even answer, just kept walking. If this dude was getting high, let him. I can laugh as the cops beat him into the cop car. Before I knew it, his hand was over my throat.

"Good choice, stay off the streets, its good for you..." He smirked, then slammed me into a wall in the alley. He walked off laughing, and thats when I snapped. I can't take this anymore! I pulled out my pocketknife, and found the thin, sharp blade. I stared at it for just a moment, then lightly drew it over my arm. Not the slightest cut...

So I brought the blade to the edge of my arm, but before I drew it over again, I thought of Freddie. The positives, but then the negatives, the reason why I had left in the first place. I drew it over again without even thinking, hard and deep. My pocketknife slipped out from my grasp, I felt the heat seeming to blur everything around me. I could hear my own heart like an echo, and I was on the ground before I could steady myself. I all I could do now was wait for a miracle.

******

* * *

**

O.O drama! XD I know that everyone is a bit OC in this chapter, but it fits in with the story line later.

BTW Mrs. Benson and Spencer? What should happen?


	12. Light at the end

I'm baaaack! So sorry I had to put this on hiatus for awhile, but school is very demanding this year.

So we've got some Paul Simon and (big) A:TLA references here...

_In honor of a troubled friend_

* * *

**Freddie's POV**

'Well, I better go find her.' I thought. I sighed, for this was not an easy task. Sam could fail many things; finding a place to hide was not one of them. I put on my jacket on and left for Sam's house. It was the last place she'd every want to go, but it couldn't hurt to check it out.

**Spencer's POV**

_I was near a street somehow. Where was I? I look at a near by street sign, and then at the time on the bank building. No...it couldn't be. I was dreaming, I had to be. I saw Carly was crossing the...street. The realization hit me, and I gasped, she was going to die right in front of me? _

_I tried to move, but was immediately surrounded by a ring of fire. Everything went black, and I heard a scream. _

_Suddenly, was in Mt. Baker National forest. I heard rustling in the trees, and snapped my head around. I was then eye to eye a white translucent white figure, that looked just like Carly. _

'_I'm dreaming, I hit my head, it's a mirage...' I thought._

'...You didn't protect me...' Her voices echoed right through me.

I shot up from my bed. Okay, this moving on from the feelings of hate and remorse thing wasn't working out, but I guess still I'll try. I sighed. This was easier said than done.

**Freddie's POV**

I took a deep breath and knocked on the Puckett resident's door. Pam Puckett opened the door, looking intimidating.

"Uh, Hi, Ms. Puckett. Is Sam around?" I asked nervously. I hoped she didn't notice, but her eyes told me I had set something off.

"Oh how should I know? She's always coming in and out of this place, I can't even keep up anymore."

I tried to think of something to respond with, but she spoke again before I could.

" Hey kid, sorry I was a bit off last time I saw ya'. My boyfriend cut me loose and, well, heaven knows what happens to me then..." She had a bit of a sly grin on her face. I tried shove it off.

"That's, um, okay...anyway, so you have no idea where she could be?"

She scoffed,"Oh please, I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't even come back."

This was going nowhere, not mention very awkward.

She started talking again. "I do know that she's been staying with you, am I right?"

"Y-yes, why?" I was getting nervous again. Where was she going with this?

"Let's just say, be careful" She winked. I didn't even want to know what she was thinking about. I politely backed down the steps, and got into my car. Next stop, Groovy Smoothie.

I arrived at the Groovy Smoothie, and made a B-line to T-bo. He was sliding Papayas on a stick, when I spoke to him at the counter.

"Hey, T-bo, has Sam been in here?"

"'Ya know, against my policy to reveal the where-abouts of my customers." He said, acting offend. All I could do is stare in disbelief and pinch the bridge of my nose. He, then, started laughing.

"Nah, I'm just messin' with ya'!" T-bo said, shoving my shoulder slightly.

"Ok then, so you haven't seen her." I asked this, about to walk out the door.

"Not since I pushed her off the chairs in the front this morning" He stated nonchalantly.

I whipped my head around.

"Wait, what? Why'd you do that? Where'd you push her off to?

"Hey, I can't have people thinking he have a hobo problem! What kind of business do you think I'm running!"

"Ugh, whatever, thanks T-bo!" With that, I took off running in the other direction.

"Wait! You wanna buy a papaya?" I shook my head, and kept going.

I looked at my watch, once outside and I began to do the math in my head.

"Okay, she left at around 9 last night, the Groovy Smoothie opens at 8, that means she was out for 11 hours, minus the 10 she was probably sleeping. Okay, she was on her own for an hour. How much damage could she do in an hour?"

I walked over towards the alley near where my car was parked, and that's when I noticed a figure in the alley. My heart broke at the sight...it was Sam. Blood on her face and arm, only slightly conscious. I ran to her side, my knees sliding on the ground next to her. She shuddered slightly as I checked her pulse that was almost normal.

What should I do? Call my mom? She would know what to do. Or maybe the hospital would be faster.

**Sam's POV**

I felt someone come around me. I shuddered, as I wanted to run but didn't have the strength. Everything around me was still blurry, I couldn't think, and I couldn't feel. Suddenly, I felt I was lifted up unexpectedly, and the face looking back down at me, smiled reassuringly.

**Freddie's POV**

I picked her up carefully. She moaned a bit, but I tried to smile to let her know it would be okay. I put her into my car, and drove as fast as I could to the hospital. My mom had good friends there that knew me well enough, so if I was lucky, I wouldn't have to wait. In the mean time, I phoned Spencer to meet me at the ER. Her eyes were only slightly open. I didn't know very much first aid, but I knew she could slip into a coma if she hurt herself badly enough, therefore, needed to get to the ER fast, and I mean _fast._

'_Just keep your eyes on the road, and nothing can go wrong' _I told myself. I then noticed her eyes start closing, and immediately shook her shoulder.

"Sam, you have to stay awake." I said, assertively.

_**At the ER**_

By the time we were in, Spencer was already sitting in the waiting room. As I walked in, he immediately shot up.

"What's going on? What happened? Is she okay?" Spencer pushed all his questions on me, that I didn't know the answers to.

"I don't know, I just found her like this!"

"Oh god." Spencer said, then proceeded to talk the women at the front desk. He soon motioned me to bring Sam over, and put her on a stretcher. A nurse wheeled her into a nearby room, and told us to wait.

**Spencer's POV**

The man I was sitting next to in the waiting room tapped me on the shoulder.

"That blonde girl your daughter?" I looked confused for a moment and answered.

"Oh no, just a friend"

"Oh well, that explains why you were so distressed." He looked down at the floor. Normally, I would have said nothing, but I could tell this man was genuine, and that's something I wasn't even sure still existed.

"Yeah well, something happened to someone else I love. I'm not going to let anything like that happen ever again." I don't know what it was about this man, but you just wanted to tell him your life story.

"Tell me about it." He looked with compassion, as I told him the story of...everything.

**Freddie's POV**

I sat back down in one of the chairs, head in hand. This was all too disturbing. I mean, I know she was upset, but I thought she was getting better. How could I not realize she was suicidal? How long had she been doing this? These questions swirled in my head for a long time. I tried hard to focus on something else, anything, but I couldn't help but wonder what was going on down in that room Sam was taken into. I began to think of ways to find out.

'_Maybe I could get down the hall to find out what was going on...No, you needed something wrong with you.'_ I sighed. What if this was my fault? Then it hit me, and I remembered the last thing I said to her.

"_I definetly don't know where you would be. Your mother would have killed you by now!'_

I cringed a bit at the thought. She almost killed herself, and it might have been because of me...it was a scary thought. Now what was I suppose to do when I saw her?

I groaned, head in hands. Carly would have know what to do.

**Spencer's POV**

I had finished my story, explaining why I was feeling so troubled lately.

"I thought you said you talked this out with your friend." The man stated.

"I tried but, it was too hard. I'm just sick of causing other people pain, with my pain."

"I think if they bothered to care in the first place, they would stay with you, even in pain."

"But, I don't want them to! This is my problem, not theirs!"

"There's nothing wrong with letting people who love you help you."

"Well, I'm running out of those kinds of people."

"Are you sure? It sounds like there are a few people who would be willing to listen to you."

I thought about that last statement. What he was saying was making sense.

"So why are you in here, anyway?"

"My nephew is here."

" Why? Is he hurt?" The man looked away.

"Yes, alittle. He doesn't know I'm here." I looked at him, confused, and he started speaking again.

"I know he doesn't want me around right now, but if he should ever need me, I'll be there." He smiled a bit. I then heard a women call me. I lifted my head to see the front lady motioning over to the front desk. I got up, and saw Freddie did too.

"You can go in that room and see Ms. Puckett if you like. One at a time please." She said, and went back to shuffling papers.

I let Freddie go before me, and, out of the corner of my eye, saw a boy with a scar on his face and tears in his eyes, in the arms of the man I was talking with.

**Freddie's POV**

I took a deep breath, then opened the door slightly. I looked in and saw Sam awake, wrist bandaged, and talking to a nurse. I decided I wouldn't disturb their conversation, and wait for them to finish.

"So that boy brought you in." The nurse told her. I felt a sense of pride that they were talking about me in that way.

"Yeah Freddie did."

"Is he your boyfriend?"

"Oh no, just a really good friend." Wow, no gagging noises, no 'HELL NO'? I guess she appreciated me more than I thought.

"He certainly is...He saved your life, you know." She didn't say anything, and the nurse started speaking again.

"Your very lucky to have had him."

"Yeah, I know I am." She smiled a bit, as if queueing me to come in. I cleared my throat to get her attention, and she looked up me with a surprised wide eye. Without a thought, I went over, and hugged her tightly, and to my surprise, she hugged me back.

"I'm sorry about what I said, I went way too far." I said quietly.

"You saved my life, I think you made up for it." I smiled a bit at that.

"I wouldn't have needed to, if I hadn't said what I said." I mumbled.

" Look, it wasn't just you. It was everything that just kinda got on top of me. I felt like no one cared about me, and I had nobody."

"Well, you'll always have me." I said, now looking in her eyes. I put my hand over hers, and, before I knew it, kissed her.

* * *

And thus Seddie has landed! Think of it as a holiday present from me :) Three cheers for a terrible ending!

So shall this fic end here? If not, ideas please.


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